Almost Untitled

Sooo.. I am still confused on what I really wanted to happen with my life but I’m quite satisfied on the progress and even happier where I am now. As my previous entry says, I already have a new job and I love it. Going to office never felt so infuriating. It feels like going to my playground and amuses myself with inexhaustible puzzles, only, it’s more complicated. Things have to change and I’m proud of myself, I took the risk. And now, here I am, too damn proud.

Plans? I want to enroll for Technology Management in U.P next (or next next) year. But before that, I would want to take a SQL Server Certification. Yes, the nerdiness in me hits me. I am trying to self study and make myself bore stiff with books/ebooks/sites that talks about SQL Server configuration. But yes, weird thing is I’m actually enjoying it. That means I am on the right track of my roadblocks. I am going in the right intersections eh.

But how about those extra-curricular activities? I haven’t found my ‘hobby’. Well technically, my hobby or better yet you’ll find me reading books, cook and eat, watch movie, waste time with my laptop (her name is Helena, by the way pronounced as He-ley-na which means Light), doing nasty crafts, and…… that’s it! I can’t believe that’s it. Sheesh. Good news, a friend is involved with some sort of travelling. They explore Philippines’ nature at its best – in mountains, seas, land and forest. He said, they even visit some of Philippines’ never been explored islands and places. Well that thought already excites me. One time he asked me to join their trip on Cagbalete Quezon but unfortunately rainy days is ‘in’ right now and the travel was postponed. Oh I hate rainy days. Ugh. Plus, I’m looking for that ‘something’ where I will devote my time on it. As in seriously put ‘me’ into it. I haven’t seen it, haven’t found, I even haven’t had a glimpse of it. They say, when you’re too eager finding it, it won’t show up and keeps on hiding. It will be revealed in an unexpected time. But I will keep my mouth shot for now. I want to silently looking and searching for that ‘something’ so that ‘something’ won’t hear me.

After me and my college mates threw our graduation caps, we were so overly excited to choose between months vacation or spend our innocent knowledge and early years of battles with our immediate colleagues. Some chose to stay and be merry, most of us chose to fight - so hard. I remember those days when I was healing myself through a sore heartache. I was cheated and was thrown like a worthless trash. I was too far from recovering the ache. I fought so hard. I also fell too severe. Stayed in my dark room with my pillows and books, not eaten my meals for 3days straight. With a weight of 100 pounds with 5feet and 5 inches height. Close on being an anorexic. It’s the end of the world for me. Moi even found me sleeping in my bedroom’s floor, crying but still too firm to make me stand. Bitterness, anger, depression and I became bestfriends. Unemployed, heartbroken, palamunin, pessimistic - now, that was a good combination - was me before.

One time, after some spanish bread and bear brand’s milk and not to mention after I had a lite conversation with my Manay, it flew into me that things shouldn’t be like this. I don’t like being leveled like this. This is not me. This mess that I am doing should not define who I am. These things I’m doing are worthless. These things should stop. I should follow the green signal. I should embrace changes too tight. Then, my story starts from the ending.

I am employed. Two years and a half. Implemented numbers of systems. Met a lot of people. Undergone a number of meetings. Finished a handful of projects. Not enough benefits. And the pay? Geesh. Enough for a single female enjoying life but not enough for me. See, what I am doing is not equal on what I am getting. But what pains me most is the RECOGNITION. I am not getting nor receiving any. Sigh. Like what I have always heard from everyone’s mouth, life in office seems fair but it is a tall - Not Really. Yah, true story. Believe me, it is. My sentiments begins here. I know I deserves a lot. I am positive, but they’re not. If my work and I are lovers, oh my, I might have been experiencing a lot of unhappiness and disappointments. The funny thing is that, I am not actively looking for a job. I am just sitting here, blogging, minding my QAs, reviewing my technical docs specifically my ERDs. I have undertook interviews and other company’s boring exams. I am qualified. Yet, I am still here. HERE!!!

I want to run. Go beyond. I want to breathe freely. I badly want to embrace change right now. But it seems there is no push coming from its source - Me. Push me.

fi_shoi @2008 <’)+++<

Nothing much, just my stubborn list.

1. Back on the four corners of boxing.
2. Keep on running.
3. Elope and find a new company.
4. Lessen on being a penny pincher. Save enough!
5. Bohol trip.
6. Boracay Trip Take 3.
7. An out of the country trip with friends.
8. Patience.
9. Be a more understanding daughter to Moi and Poi.
10. Learn to play the piano.
11. Learn how to ride a bike.
12. Read 10 books or more
13. Act as a lady (talking about prim and proper does not work for me, well we’ll see this year)
14. Stop binging on junk foods.
15. Read pan de sal and take some time every morning.
16. White MacBook
17. 200 gig external hard disk.
18. Embossing label makers
19. As per Keko “maging mahinahon ka sa boyfriend“
20. Eat hearty meals.

fi_shoi @2008 <’)+++<

1. Sunrise after the darkest nights.
2. Friends who brings out the best in me.
3. A love that makes me smile.
4. Belief that anything is possible.
5. Courage to finally do what you’ve learn putting of.
6. Time for myself.
7. Promises that are not broken.
8. An answered prayer.
9. A heart that forgives.
10. A love that heals.
11. Christmas spirit all year round.
12. And a life with no regrets

fi_shoi @2007 <’)+++<

World Mission. Under oath: Papoi, Mamoi, Me

World Vission. On a Mission: Us

fi_shoi @2007 <’)+++<